An Article I have found

Abandoning A Child...

lianabmm

Posted on Feb 19, 2008 1:26 PM

One of the worst things a women and mother could do is abandon her child. Statistics show the unthinkable decision to leave is being thought over and through until a women's plan is executed. This is a silent epidemic and decision that mothers throughout time have embraced, but have not been able to openly discuss.

There is no politically correct way for an American mother to admit she has abandoned her child without experiencing extreme judgment. There is no face to a mother who abandons her child. If she exposes her secrets she will more than likely face a life of negative criticism and judgment from society and especially other woman. 

In our country we must bring awareness to this issue by addressing the women who have abandoned their children and understand what was going on prior and during the time they left.

We must try to understand women who leave their children and explore what younger women can learn in order to prevent making decisions that will negatively impact their lives and the lives of their children.

It is difficult for devoted or chemically balanced mothers to understand a mother who has abandoned her child or children. But we must overlook that not all mothers and women will be supportive of exposing this quiet zone.

What happens when they do leave and where are the mothers who have left? What makes one mother devoted to her children and the other mother abandon hers? What happens when you are not adapting in your role as a mother and where are the women who have not adapted?

We should give a voice to the millions of women in hopes that they can be free of their secrets and can learn from their mistakes.

It is thought that deadbeat fathers who do not pay their child support are the leading "bad" parent. Interestingly statewide statistics show that there are more deadbeat mothers than deadbeat fathers when it comes to not paying child support in America. That means there are more women in our country leaving their children and not paying for them.

To fail at being a mother is a heart wrenching duty to carry around with you, especially if the failures could have been prevented medically or financially. Due to untreated postpartum depression, poor decisions based on desperate circumstances and an unplanned child, I felt abandoning my child with his father's family was my only option.
Drugs, another man or woman, money, family resentment, whatever the demon, it allows women to leave their children as if they never had them.

So is this an illness, a nationwide epidemic, a psychiatric disease that can be cured through drugs or modem therapy? Are millions of women sick in the head for abusing, thinking of or leaving their children? Maybe, but you and society may never know because it has been kept a secret life of shame. 

There are mothers who are genuinely wonderful caregivers and are devoted to their children in a way mothers who abandon their children have more than likely tried to emulate, myself included.

Having a baby, caring for your child and raising them into adulthood is considered to be a woman's greatest achievement. Maternal instinct, motherly love and the incredible bond you experience with your baby are all natural occurrences once you are pregnant and give birth. But what happens when the natural maternal instincts do not come with the baby?

How Abandoning a Child May Occur

I believe that Abandoning a Child stems from three major factors in a woman's life.

1. The mother has suffered from an undetected, untreated Postpartum Depression.

2. The mother's lack of a support system, meaning, little if any interactions with the child's father, the mother's parents, grandparents, friends, other mothers who suffer from Postpartum Depression or activities outside of the home.

3. The mother has a history of untreated lifelong depression, drug addiction or untreated Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome caused by excessive physical, mental or verbal abuse prior to having the baby.

Most females are capable of becoming pregnant after beginning their menstrual cycle. A female can be fourteen, thirteen, I've even known of a pregnant nine year old. Reproduction and motherhood are thought to be something every woman should experience. I believe that given the three circumstances for developing Abandoning a Child, not every female is capable of raising another human being without proper recovery and preparation.

Being a mother and having to care for yourself are two very different worlds with extremely different personal expectations. If you cannot care for yourself before bringing another human being into this world, how can you expect to succeed?

My Thoughts:

Don't lie to yourself like I did. For many women, especially one who has suffered a lifetime of abuse and depression, having children should be treated as a therapeutic journey prior to becoming pregnant.

My daughter had relationships with men where she was abused, drugs invovled, terminate pregnancy... I can't help but think she has cracked... But nevertheless... My job is to protect the kids from this heart wrenching problem. I want then to know they are loved and their family is here for them always.

Love Nana