Another Monday of course

She is here
going to the docs for her post surgery carpal tunnel surgery...
hmmmmm

She says things that I don't know if they are truth or some made up deal she just thought of..

B doesn't want anything to do with her and tells her so... Jack wants his mother's approval and love....

They had a great day in school today... but, every night they say they don't want to go back the next day... Thursday is lawyer day... What will we learn... What will Happen??? I don't know... I just want the kids happy... but I am afraid that is too much to ask...

She is packing up her things... using Child Support money to fund herself... Wrong I feel... but it's okay Mom (me) will take care of it all...no worries for her...

Read a cute little book on my color Nook with Jack tonight....

Nana loves these kids... Wish I never had to sleep and could just do what I want and never run out of energy... Damn :(

kids gone for weekend

Jack is with his dad for the weekend

B is with her dad for the weekend....

I seem to be feeling a feeling of hatred towards her... I have only felt this way about one other person in my whole life....it was her father...

I am tired of being sucked by her..... drained....

Missing the grandkids tonight

She left us cause she is sick

Jack said tonight... "Nana, She left us cause she is sick." I asked him, who? he said Mom, I said, oh... How does a 5 year old know this? .. He said his mom told him. Why, Can't she tell us this... instead of saying she will get a new place and bring them there. CRAP!!
Also I told her tonight she needs to sign these kids over to me. I said, Jack's dad wants him when Kindergarten starts... She said, no way!!! How can she call the shots, when she acts as if they are not part of her life?  I am Frustrated... She is a Crazy B....

On to fun stuff... I made Hot Air Popcorn Tonight... Jack was amazed. He said he has never seen such a thing. It was fun for them to watch.

They are so clingy and needy.. Jack was watching Little Einstein's tonight it was an episode about brother and sister. Hansel & Gretel.. He said it scares him and he doesn't want to ever watch it again...

I laid down with the kids tonight. They were both hugging me... I have to lay in the middle because if one kid is closer to me than the other, it is a cry fest....

I am exhausted tonight.

Tuesday it's rainy

My nerves are shot. Not because of the grandkids...because I am so worried about my daughter.. She has not called even once to talk to the little ones.  Today I cried about my grandpa dying. It was so sad. I think about how him and grandma were there for us kids. I wish I could turn my back on my daughter but I can't... It is so strange.

The kids went to preschool today. I went with b's dad there...B screamed and kicked ... she was not happy. I picked the kids up at 5:30 they were so happy to see me. It is such an adjustment for them. I am totally focused on them right now. I know the stress I feel is making my sight not so good right now.. I can barely read anything with out putting binoculars on.. I need to figure out how to settle down.. The kids constantly tell me how much they love me and how glad they are to live here with nana and grandpa... Damn J said that his mom is scary and that he is glad there are no more whippings... I have no idea what these kids have been thru. I hope my daughter gets some help. I haven't been mean to her at all. I just dont' say much. Mental Illness is so scary. Should I look into this further. I really think this chapter is closed. Now she just needs help for herself. At least that is what I am thinking at this stage.....

An Article I have found

Abandoning A Child...

lianabmm

Posted on Feb 19, 2008 1:26 PM

One of the worst things a women and mother could do is abandon her child. Statistics show the unthinkable decision to leave is being thought over and through until a women's plan is executed. This is a silent epidemic and decision that mothers throughout time have embraced, but have not been able to openly discuss.

There is no politically correct way for an American mother to admit she has abandoned her child without experiencing extreme judgment. There is no face to a mother who abandons her child. If she exposes her secrets she will more than likely face a life of negative criticism and judgment from society and especially other woman. 

In our country we must bring awareness to this issue by addressing the women who have abandoned their children and understand what was going on prior and during the time they left.

We must try to understand women who leave their children and explore what younger women can learn in order to prevent making decisions that will negatively impact their lives and the lives of their children.

It is difficult for devoted or chemically balanced mothers to understand a mother who has abandoned her child or children. But we must overlook that not all mothers and women will be supportive of exposing this quiet zone.

What happens when they do leave and where are the mothers who have left? What makes one mother devoted to her children and the other mother abandon hers? What happens when you are not adapting in your role as a mother and where are the women who have not adapted?

We should give a voice to the millions of women in hopes that they can be free of their secrets and can learn from their mistakes.

It is thought that deadbeat fathers who do not pay their child support are the leading "bad" parent. Interestingly statewide statistics show that there are more deadbeat mothers than deadbeat fathers when it comes to not paying child support in America. That means there are more women in our country leaving their children and not paying for them.

To fail at being a mother is a heart wrenching duty to carry around with you, especially if the failures could have been prevented medically or financially. Due to untreated postpartum depression, poor decisions based on desperate circumstances and an unplanned child, I felt abandoning my child with his father's family was my only option.
Drugs, another man or woman, money, family resentment, whatever the demon, it allows women to leave their children as if they never had them.

So is this an illness, a nationwide epidemic, a psychiatric disease that can be cured through drugs or modem therapy? Are millions of women sick in the head for abusing, thinking of or leaving their children? Maybe, but you and society may never know because it has been kept a secret life of shame. 

There are mothers who are genuinely wonderful caregivers and are devoted to their children in a way mothers who abandon their children have more than likely tried to emulate, myself included.

Having a baby, caring for your child and raising them into adulthood is considered to be a woman's greatest achievement. Maternal instinct, motherly love and the incredible bond you experience with your baby are all natural occurrences once you are pregnant and give birth. But what happens when the natural maternal instincts do not come with the baby?

How Abandoning a Child May Occur

I believe that Abandoning a Child stems from three major factors in a woman's life.

1. The mother has suffered from an undetected, untreated Postpartum Depression.

2. The mother's lack of a support system, meaning, little if any interactions with the child's father, the mother's parents, grandparents, friends, other mothers who suffer from Postpartum Depression or activities outside of the home.

3. The mother has a history of untreated lifelong depression, drug addiction or untreated Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome caused by excessive physical, mental or verbal abuse prior to having the baby.

Most females are capable of becoming pregnant after beginning their menstrual cycle. A female can be fourteen, thirteen, I've even known of a pregnant nine year old. Reproduction and motherhood are thought to be something every woman should experience. I believe that given the three circumstances for developing Abandoning a Child, not every female is capable of raising another human being without proper recovery and preparation.

Being a mother and having to care for yourself are two very different worlds with extremely different personal expectations. If you cannot care for yourself before bringing another human being into this world, how can you expect to succeed?

My Thoughts:

Don't lie to yourself like I did. For many women, especially one who has suffered a lifetime of abuse and depression, having children should be treated as a therapeutic journey prior to becoming pregnant.

My daughter had relationships with men where she was abused, drugs invovled, terminate pregnancy... I can't help but think she has cracked... But nevertheless... My job is to protect the kids from this heart wrenching problem. I want then to know they are loved and their family is here for them always.

Love Nana

Written like the mind wanders... ???

It's the weekend. GDD picked her up around 10 am this morning.
GS is still at his GSD place...be back Monday.

GP and Nana went looking for bunk beds today... I cried in Costco today as we were getting supplies for the kids. I just can't take it... I am not upset that I am taking them in, not at all... I am upset with her that she can just throw them away like this.. Oh She says she is going to make money and get a home for them...but she aint'... i know that... She is gonna do what this boyfriend says and throw everything away... Drugs are not involved in this scenario either.... Pot yes, but not that other crap... at least not yet... I don't understand how this happens..You see it in the news all the time... At least Thank God she didn't go out and kill them or anything. The Stress younger people have now a days is scary... I mean yeah we had stress but not like this..

My Grandparents always took us grandkids in when our parents would have a hard time. But, our parents were there also. They didn't just leave us like this, claiming they would make money and get a home for us.. There is no way she can do that. No college education. Everything she does, she never finishes...There is a break in her head I think, in her heart... Sociopath almost... I can't help her. She is 28, I can't throw her in the nutt house...If I could I would have but it's not possible..There are laws against that...  She can't even hold down a job. She gets in fights with people... usually a job last's about 3 weeks until someone pisses her off... She couldn't even finish her sophomore year... yeah she did get her GED...

GD 3 years old  says to me today... "Nana, I love you, I will be back"

she is so precious...

Code's to the key

DD= dumb daughter
GS= Grandson
GD= Granddaughter
GSD= Grandson's Dad
GDD= Granddaughter's Dad

GP= Grandpa
Nana= Me

lol